


Damage Control

by BambiMonroe



Category: The Goldfinch (2019), The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Closure, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:07:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28903143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BambiMonroe/pseuds/BambiMonroe
Summary: When Boris unexpectantly shows up Theo has to deal with the destruction of his impact on his carefully structured life.What if Boris went back to New York with Theo after Amsterdam? How did Theo deal with all the mess he left behind? How does everyone around Theo and Boris see their relationship? Could Boris fit into Theo's high society habits with the Barbours?
Relationships: Kitsey Barbour/Theodore Decker, Kitsey Barbour/Tom Cable, Theodore Decker & James "Hobie" Hobart, Theodore Decker/Boris Pavlikovsky
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	1. The Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to remind anyone who reads this (if anyone even does) some looks of the characters have changed because when I read the book this is how I imagined them honestly so I took creative liberty with some things.

‘These memories keep me alive, they put breath into my lungs and move the blood through my veins, my secret to happiness that I will never speak of aloud.’

Memories, scenes, remnants of the past flowing behind my eyes; the hard curves of pointy hips and spine, unwashed black curls pressing into pale skin paired with the wetness of silent tears flowing against a small naked boney chest. 

His face flashed through my mind, the captured crooked smile blinding for a split second before the phone rang loudly interrupting my morning of peace. Creaking open just one eye peering down at the screen and immediately regretting not putting it on silent. 

Kitsey calling yet again to whine about him missing yet another important bridal appointment. 

He didn’t rack his brain too hard on why the color of the napkins for the wedding would be that important. If he asked, Kitsey would go on yet another long ramble. After some half assed sorrys and goodbyes nearly 30 minutes later of bitching she finally hung up giving one final complaint that she couldn’t be late to her nail appointment to be completely ready for tomorrow night.

I sat up slowly giving my eyes time to adjust to the bright sunlight coming in. It must be well after 10, he glanced at the alarm clock sitting nicely on his antique nightstand 11:37. 

Great finally slept in, butterflies flew through my stomach as I thought of the dreams that kept me so content last night. Don’t think about it!

He tried his best to ignore the disgust towards the tingles running through his body at the thought of him. With his lip between his teeth he scoffed and shook his head before running to the shower, the cold shower.

4 hours later

Scrambling through the ridiculously loud apartment door, fresh haircut, a pressed suit, and three bags of groceries in tow. The last thing I would have expected to see as I slammed the bags on the counter and reached to turn on my television was two burly men lounging on my couch.

The sound that came from my mouth was anything but manly. I ran through my head to see if I owed anyone money but came up short. They looked me up and down before mumbling to each other in what I immediately recognized as Russian.

Before my better judgement could stop me, 

“What did you just call me?” 

The words flowed from my mouth and I wanted to shove them back in. The taller one on the left looked surprised for a second chuckling before quickly turning his head away from me towards the sound of the toilet flushing and water screeching from the faucet of my bathroom behind him. 

My eyes flickered to the knife stand beside me, if I grabbed it could I possibly take on all three of them assuming that the person in the restroom was yet another of them? There were only two small knives left and there was no way I could even overpower on-

“Don’t even thinking about it Potter man.” the broken english and heavy accent of the second man blubbered out obviously already suspecting what I was planning but that wasn’t what made me pause.

Di-did he just call me…

The restroom door opened and the only logical thing my brain decided to do was to lower my gaze to the floor, I heard his steps approaching me before I saw the large black combat boots come into my vision. Tight black jeans and a nice black sweater stretched across the fit chest that was only an inch or two away from my face, it was sad I knew who it was before I even saw him just by his footsteps. Even before his calloused hand took my chin and made me raise my gaze to him looking down at me, his eyes that were partly hidden behind his curly black hair looked like they were telling me something that I couldn’t quite figure out yet. 

I tried so hard to keep the surprise off my face but he caught it. Looking him over he seemed so familair but like a complete stranger all at once, the same crooked smile and angular cheeks but with tattoos poking out of every crevice of revealed skin from neck down.

“Hello Potter.” His voice shuddered through me like lightning. I couldn’t process this. My mind was threatening to shut down. I just stared at him dumbfounded. 

“Wh-what no how-?” he threw his head back and laughed that deep thunderously loud laugh that I thought of so many times now just deeper and raspier. 

“No hug Potter?” His cigarette smelling breath brushed the question over my face. 

Without thinking I snaked my hands into his thick wool coat and shoved my face into his neck. I could feel his chest moving up and down with laughter but my mind was reeling: is this really the same Boris I left behind all those years ago?

He’s different, taller, scarier, more serious, more handsome, but this is definitely him. 

His long arms curved around me and the relief swept over me. We were finally by each other's side again. 

I wanted to close my eyes and lose myself in this moment. 

In his cologne.  
In his breath.  
In his arms.  
In him. 

So much so I almost forgot about the other men in the room, almost. I began to pull away as I did I swear I felt the smallest gentlest kiss to the top of my head as I pulled back, losing my balance slightly. The hug was so intimate but yet my cheeks reddened as his large hands settled on my upper arms steadying me. 

I looked up at him taking a moment to take in his face the small scars and every little thing that made Boris well Boris. But he looked serious the moment has passed I pulled back and reserved myself again pulling my thoughts together.

“What the fuck Boris?” was the best that I could muster. His serious facade cracked slightly as he chuckled again before turning, grabbing my shoulders, clapping my back hard to lead me to the couch. 

‘Potter man’ guy grabbed my shoulder and forced me down to sit on the other couch across from them.

He earned a quick slap to the back of the head and a quiet word in Russian I vaguely recognized as ‘easy’ spoken much like you would to a dog. 

Boris sat on the couch directly in front of me the dim gleam of golden hour flooding over his features making him look almost angelic. 

The golden light made the butt of his gun flicker even brighter and suddenly I realized how fucked I was.

He glared straight at me not missing the fact that I finally noticed, oh how stupid I must look. 

Crossing his legs he smiled faintly at me,

“Let’s talk business Potter.”


	2. The Dream (Extra)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Boris unexpectantly shows up Theo has to deal with the destruction of his impact on his carefully structured life.
> 
> What if Boris went back to New York with Theo after Amsterdam? How did Theo deal with all the mess he left behind? How does everyone around Theo and Boris see their relationship? Could Boris fit into Theo's high society habits with the Barbours?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a ramble of thoughts I had in between writing these I thought some might enjoy. If there are any errors please ignore them I'm making this up as I go.

The previous night-

Theo tossed and turned in his bed, he couldn’t stop thinking about his father for some reason, it was bothersome. One particular night roamed around in his thoughts as he drifted off to sleep thinking about his teenage days in the desert with a scrawny boy by his side. When his father caught onto something that would have destroyed everything.

Some years earlier in a Vegas desert

“Come on Boris don’t be boringggg!” a young Theo nearly shouted as he attempted to pull Boris off the bed to go steal more alcohol from the fridge before his father or Xandra got home.

Boris bared down laughing with all his intoxicated giddiness, “Potter no! If you drink more I will have to clean up after you again hmm?” He looked at Theo smiling upside down on the bed, Theo dropped his arm groaning before falling down beside him. 

“Come on grab Popchik and we sleep yes?” Boris said nodding his head slowly going up and down, the pills they had stolen from the cabinet starting to take it’s heavy effect on both the teens. Theo knew what Boris meant by ‘sleep’ but they would never say it, never poison the air with such things that were meant to be forgotten like they never occurred. 

“It’s too hot Boris!” Theo whined, wiggling around to push his socks off his feet. 

Boris, already nodding off slightly due to the pills, grabbed Theo’s shirt haphazardly and began pulling, he let it happen. 

Boris’s long fingers grabbed Theo’s too big khakis and pulled them off quickly, nearly falling over in the process leaving Theo only in his boxers hanging low on his small hips. 

Standing on unsteady feet he turned on the small fan Xandra had been kind enough to buy since she decided to not turn the air on most days.

Theo looked sideways at Boris as he undressed in front of the fan throwing his smell everywhere in the small room. He smelled of beer, sweat, and ...Boris. His scent wasn’t something you could place a name on it was just Boris…

Boris looked down at him, his face stock and expressionless but his eyes ablaze, Theo knew that look all too well. He rolled to the top of the bed situating himself clumsily laying down before opening the blanket as an invitation to him.

Boris climbed in slowly settling in carefully making sure they were skin to skin, arms around each other face to face, leg to leg, chest to chest every part of them that could comfortably touch was together. 

Eye to eye Theo waited heart pounding in his chest as Boris took a shaky hand and ruffled his hair smiling like he knew something no one else did.

“мой грустный мальчик, я хочу любить тебя..” he mumbled this sentence quietly as he took off Theo’s glasses moving slowly as if he were afraid he would break. 

Boris turned to him before slowly shutting his eyes as if to show Theo what to do before their lips clashed, this was their unspoken agreement. 

Lips together breath mingling they fought against all the struggles of the outside world until it was just the two of them rolling against each other.

Theo didn’t mean to make any sounds but the movement that Boris was doing with his skinny hips just sent frenzies in his brain shutting off all things logical.

He moaned into the other boy's mouth which prompted him further on grabbing the smaller boy and pulling him onto his lap begging him to play along just for tonight. 

Theo played along a little too well moving his hips trying to recreate the friction that Boris had created had them both so lost in the sensations, of the drugs, of everything so lost that they didn’t hear the car. 

Or the door, even the footsteps not until Theo was being pulled off Boris by the head of his hair did either of them realize anything was wrong. 

Boris whined as Theo was pulled away before seeing Theo’s father red faced staring back at him sobering him up so quickly it stopped his brain almost entirely. 

He braced for the pain as he tried to reach for Theo who was almost dangling midair. 

“What the fuck is this?! I try to give you a good life and make us all a big happy family and you’re doing this f****t shit in my fucking house!!!!” He roared, throwing Theo around like a ragdoll but Boris couldn’t seem to get his legs to work.

Finally he threw him back onto the bed as both stayed silent not wanting to anger the obviously violent drunk adult in front of them anymore then they already had. 

Boris in an almost trance watched as the two argued back and forth screaming about money, school agreements, secret bank accounts, everything under the sun until Larry finally stormed off. 

Theo jumped up wobbling to the window watching his father drive off in his annoyingly loud sports car. 

Boris stayed silent observing and ready to comfort his Potter in any way he could.

In a final act of defiance against his father, Theo ran back to Boris almost attacking him. 

This was the first night they went farther than they needed to, and the last night Larry was alive.


	3. Back and Forth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Boris unexpectantly shows up Theo has to deal with the destruction of his impact on his carefully structured life.
> 
> What if Boris went back to New York with Theo after Amsterdam? How did Theo deal with all the mess he left behind? How does everyone around Theo and Boris see their relationship? Could Boris fit into Theo's high society habits with the Barbours?

“What do you mean business Boris? If you work for one of my dealers they are all paid I never get fronted I’m not stupid you have the wrong guy.” he could hear the plea in his voice but couldn’t hold it back. 

He didn’t think Boris would kill him but business is business, right? It’s not like the two had never roughed each other up before.

“This isn’t about drugs, Potter I’m offended you would think I’d work for some street dealer.” Theo tried not to feel the sting from the side comment about his habit with street dealers how could he know of it anyway?

He decided quickly it was best to stay quiet and let Boris speak.

“I want to, first of all, say I’m sorry Potter.” that surprised Theo his head shooting up and he wasn’t the only one, the two bodyguards looking down aghast at Boris.

Boris looked away from Theo’s shocked face as if he was in pain.

“I shouldn’t have left you alone for this long. I felt too guilty to come to you, I didn’t want you to be angry at me, I wanted you to be happy to see me.”

“Of course I’m happy to see you! It’s been years I have so many questions why on earth would I be angry at you?!” Boris looked at him as if he had two heads uncrossing his legs and sitting forward eyebrows raised.

“Potter, your bird! Your precious bird, do you not know?” He looked as if he wanted to cry.

Theo’s chest lurched at the mention of his bird, looking worriedly at the other men in the room but Boris ignored his subtle sign jumping up and began pacing back and forth. 

“Boris…” he tried to warn him, Theo never liked to speak about the painting aloud like many other things.

“Potter! No! You don’t understand!” Boris scrubbed his hands on his face aggressively before he continued, “When the last time you looked at your bird? Unwrapped it and looked at it huh?” His voice was loud now, accusing, angry.

Theo’s mouth opened but no sound came out as he thought back but it had been years. 

“I-I don’t remember, I never unwrap it, you know that!” he shouted back at him

The sound that escaped Boris was the closest to a sob Theo had ever heard from him. He fell back onto the couch looking defeated and depressed. 

“All these years Potter all these years I stayed away! Because I was afraid you would kill me if you saw me and you didn’t even know?” he scoffed the words like they disgusted him.

“Boris please I don’t understand.” Theo had no ground to stand on he was confused and quite honestly frightened. A sudden flash of anger ran through Theo as he processed Boris’ words.

“You knew where I was this entire time?” He stood now standing toe to toe with Boris angry beyond belief, “You never gave me one clue to where you were but you KNEW THIS ENTIRE TIME?!!” He spoke through the burning in his throat not letting his sadness, his loneliness overtake his anger.

“Theo!” Boris yelled, grabbing Theo’s face to bring his forehead to his, “I stole it.” Theo’s arms slackened as he stared at Boris is disbelief, “I stole it right before you left I tried to make you wait you wouldn’t I wanted to make it right bu-”

“No! I’ve had the entire time I took it with me. I have it right here!” 

Theo slapped Boris’ hands away from his face, shoving past him to slam open his closet reaching behind everything to grab the painting and ripped open the newspaper wrapping.

And in his hand lay a... textbook, his bird was gone this entire time he had been hugging and expressing his woes for his mother to a fucking textbook.

Anger and sadness fought inside of him each giving up a vicious battle who would be released first, unfortunately for his pride sadness won.

Boris quickly told his guards to go wait outside for him, he cautiously approached his Potter ready for the hits ready for any physical pain he had to go through to apologize for what his younger self selfishly did to the only person he cared most about. 

What he wasn’t prepared for was the lurching pain in his chest as those dead eyes laid on him all the sparkle in them only minutes before gone.

“Why Boris? Why would you take it?” he sounded so agonizing to even listen to, robotic, nothing like Potter should sound.

“I-I was jealous I don’t know why I just wanted-Potter I don’t know I was just a kid I-” 

“You were just a kid?! So was I! You’re the only person I trusted but not even you should have known about it!” His tears fell freely now his anger building once again.

“You showed me Potter one night after we had too much of everything, drinks, pills, weed, you showed me and cried into my chest I didn't know what I was supposed to do?!” Boris tried to take his hand but Theo jerked it away and threw the textbook across the room knocking over a decorative vase.

“Even if I did that! Why would you take it if you knew how much it meant to me?!” He stood lengthening the distance between him and Boris to sit on his bed.

Boris stood silent, deer caught in headlights stance, Theo stared him down waiting expectantly for his answer.

“You cared about it so much but I-I ju- no I got jea- no I wanted you to feel that way about me instead.” he finally sputtered out he walked towards Theo cautiously looking so guilty it tore through Theo’s heart.

“I just wanted to be the one who made you feel that safe, not a little bird ME!”

Theo watched him crash down on his knees in front of him,

“Theo,” he loved the way he said his name. His accent changed it so much “If I could go back and change I would I didn’t have anyone after you left but I couldn’t really couldn’t follow you!” his eyes seemed to well up before he looked down and cried in his silent shaking shoulders way that he always had. Boris brought his head down to Theo’s knee to avoid eye contact.

He wanted to stay angry, he wanted to scream and cry and break things like they used to when they were upset, but they were not teenagers anymore. When you get older it’s best to just let things go before you lose the only connections you still have.

He sighed pushing back all the negative feelings and focused on the fact that the person he truly cared for the most in the world was here in front of him. Theo carefully raked his fingers through the curly mess of Boris’ hair until he finally looked up at him cowering away like he would towards his father. Theo hated that he didn’t want him to feel that way about him.

He slowly put his hand on his chin ignoring the way he flinched until he pulled him up enough to wrap his arms around him, the sigh that came from Boris was pure relief. Boris wrapped his arms tightly around Theo as well squeezing as tightly as he could as if Theo would disappear if he didn’t hold on.  
Theo ruffled Boris’ hair to fix it back into the organized mess it was before and took a deep breath before asking the last thing he dreaded to know.

“Where is it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is any of these making sense? I'm just tying together pieces in my head and typing.


	4. The Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theo’s heart dropped in his chest. No no no no no no no no no no NO! These two worlds he had carefully separated were about to clash violently and he hoped to whatever gods there were it wouldn’t be a public sh*t show.

Theo has never felt as stupid as he did as he stormed out his own apartment. He wanted to go out on the street and find the nearest shitty dealer and go on a week-long bender like he did the first time he found out Kitsey cheated on him. 

But his engagement party is now only about 12 hours away, he couldn’t get high enough to forget the information he just learned and be completely sober for the important date. 

Of all things his beautiful bird could be used for, collateral! For god knows what! It made him sick to his stomach. 

His phone was ringing off the hook from multiple people, Kitsey, Platt, Hobie, an unknown number that he’s sure is Boris. Who knows how the hell he has his number but then again why wouldn’t he?

The rehearsal dinner should be starting right now and he’s still underdressed. Even if he booked it now he would miss half of it, he needed to change but all he wanted to do was scream.

He reached and turned off his phone sliding into the alleyway of the building and decided to wait it out, Boris would leave eventually there was no reason for him to stay in his apartment longer than needed. 

So he waited, it only took about 5 minutes before he saw one of the guards run out to bring a sleek black suv to the front of the building.

He watched Boris come out guard by his side looking regal and intimidating under his sunglasses, he wondered if he was upset.

He scoffed at his own thoughts, if HE was upset? Yeah right. 

He waited until he couldn’t see the car anymore before he quickly ran back inside, he tried to stop himself but he looked for anything Boris might of left for him, a note, a fuck you, anything. 

There was nothing.

The next afternoon

The banging on his door is what finally pulled him out of the almost coma-like state of sleep he was in, he glared at his door across the studio apartment and cursed himself for putting his bed so close to it. 

He groaned loudly as the pounding became louder and more incessant, glancing at his alarm clock and gasped, “Shit!” he was supposed to be ready and leaving by 11 and it’s already 12. 

He jumped out of bed, head reeling from all the alcohol he drank the night before, he dried out every liquor bottle and beer he could find in his vicinity and passed out fully clothed.

He unlocked the door and it busted open revealing a distressed looking Platt,   
“You are in for it man, fuck and you’re not even dressed Kitsey is going to have both of our heads!” he shouted as he let himself into the apartment running into the bathroom and turning on the shower.

“Come on Theo you’ve got like 10 minutes before we’re actually fucked you better hurry.” 

He did as he was told…

Later

Platt went in first he insisted he would try to calm Kitsey down, Theo doubted it but it gave him a chance to calm himself down. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall he tried to put the bird out of his mind. He watched the doors leading into the venue watching workers go in and out looking so distressed they didn’t even notice him there.

Once he went in there it would be official they would have to go through with it, even if it was only to save Mrs. Barbour's reputation. He tried to adjust his suit, it was uncomfortably pressed especially at the shoulders, the staff door shot open beside him nearly catching his arm and out came Kitsey looking prim and proper as always.

“Where the hell have you been? You look like shit!” she whispered the blowing words to him eyeing their surroundings like everyone was out to catch her being naughty. 

He fought the urge to roll his eyes, “I’m here Kit that’s what matters.” his voice was tired and sore from the screaming match with Boris.

“You’re here? Do you realize how much work I put into jus-” before her voice could raise anymore Platt shot his way in between us, 

“You two need to make your entrance mother is going to lose her mind if you two take any longer!” 

Kitsey insisted on ‘fixing’ him up a little before they made the grand entrance Kitsey had fussed over this dinner for the past month to make it perfect, Theo did feel a little guilty for stressing her but what’s done is done.

He tried to ignore the sting of his chest as the double doors were opened to ‘reveal’ them to the guests and Kitsey still had that small look of embarrassment on her face. Like she was ashamed to say ‘Yes this is the fiance.’ Thankfully most eyes were on her though.

He had to admit the place looked great, simplistic, classic, everything just as expected from Kitsey. 

As they waited for the food area to be completed prepping the pair thanked guests and did exactly as they were meant to do. Smile, shake hands, compliment, when needed throw in a laugh, it was exhausting to Theo.

When he finally had a moment to ‘speak’ to Platt which was just them standing in a corner to get away from the chaos, Theo took a moment to turn on his phone. 

Unsurprisingly there were a ton of messages cursing him out for missing the rehearsal dinner from Kitsey, Hobie telling him about the sales of the day and asking what happened at the dinner, and exactly 4 messages from the unknown number. 

Potter please come back we’ll talk about it you did not let me finish explain

‘Of course I didn’t Boris because I heard enough.’

We need to finish talking Potter

‘No we don’t obviously.’

I’m sorry I make you miss dinner with fiance you too sad I know you

‘How did he know about that? Did he have one of his stupid guards on me?’

Theo glanced around looking for unfamiliar faces before scrolling down to the last message sent only 30 minutes ago.

I’m coming to party we finish talking yes?

Theo’s heart dropped in his chest. No no no no no no no no no no NO! These two worlds he had carefully separated were about to clash violently and he hoped to whatever gods there were it wouldn’t be a public shit show. 

In a desperate plea he begged Platt to go request that a plus one seat be added directly next to his, god forbid he ended up next to one of Kitsey’s gossipy aunts he needed to prevent as much talking as possible. He knew Boris wasn’t joking he was coming but he had no idea when. 

As if the universe had a comedic timer just as Theo began towards the guest doors they opened, sending sunlight across the dimly lit room dragging most eyes towards the spectacle of the late guest.

There he was standing tall in all his glory, Theo took a second to admire him as he worked through the crowd. Black on black unsurprisingly, black fitted dress pants and black dress shirt rolled up to his elbows, no tie his jacket thrown over his right arm. His usually messy hair was slicked back with only a few stray curls poking out here and there, rings littered his long fingers and his shiny rolex sat heavily on his wrist.

‘All he needed was a toothpick and he was the picture image of a gangster.’ Theo thought, smiling trying his best to push down his feelings of anger from their last conversation trying to be happy that now with him, all the important people in his life are here.

After what felt like an eternity of walking through the whispering crowd he neared Boris who was glancing around obviously looking for him as well before spotting him and smiling widely.

Once Theo was near enough Boris swung his arms around him and gave him a friendly hug, Theo tried not to react too much worrying about the thoughts of others around him. 

“Sorry I’m late!” He said as they let go of each other,

“No it’s fine I’m glad you made it!” He tried to at least pretend like this was planned as he heard the fast approaching sound of heels on marble behind him that he just knew was Kitsey obviously not happy that attention was taken from her. 

“Wow Potter how did you bag that?” Boris snarked in his ear and Theo gave him a swift hit to the gut as he turned to meet Kitsey.

“Dinner is served!” A butler shouted as the dining hall doors opened and the guests quickly lost interest in the spectacle for the better appeal of free food.

Kitsey grabbed his arm with a smile on her face and leaned in to kiss his cheek quickly whispering, “Who the fuck is that? You should have told me if you invited one of your ‘friends’!” 

It didn’t surprise him, he knew Boris wasn’t the typical person to have around; he ignored the question and turned to Boris. 

“You got here just in time, I have you right beside me come on.” he almost reached for him but thought better of it instead waving him to his side.

By the time Kitsey, Theo, and Boris made it across the floor most of the guests were already seated waiting for them, they sat quietly and the dinner began. 

Unfortunately with that came conversation and chatter quickly filled the hall as the guests whispered and giggled to each other. Kitsey was trying to hide her annoyance poorly since most of the chatter consisted of Theo’s friend instead of her.

Boris who was no stranger to being the odd one out stayed strong despite the prying eyes.

As they ate the first course Boris suddenly but tactfully grabbed the side of Theo’s hand under the table making him look towards him and away from the spectacle of Mrs. Barbour and Hobie having quite an animated conversation about wardrobes.

(A/N I obviously don’t know russian if you do, please don’t roast me blame google.)

“Вы все еще немного понимаете русский язык?” (Do you still understand a little russian?) Boris asked a little too loudly for Theo’s liking the foreign tongue bringing most of the wavering attention back to them. 

“Да, я изучал для вас разговорный русский в колледже.” (Yes, I studied conversational russian for you in college.)   
Boris cracked a smile at his pronunciation, Theo tried not to blush.

“Для меня, Поттер? Это так мило! Скажите, сколько из них сейчас смотрят на меня?” (For me, Potter? It's so cute! Tell me, how many of them are looking at me now?) 

Theo glanced around looking at the many eyes prying into their conversation as if they could decipher it if they stared hard enough.

“Может, половина стола?” (Maybe half the table?) The pair looked at each other and laughed, Boris still had a hold on Theo’s hand. Theo nervously moved it farther under the tablecloth before intertwining their fingers. He smiled at Boris trying his best to convey his emotions that even he couldn’t understand he knew should still be angry but not now that’s for later.

“Theo!” Kitsey’s exasperated whisper sounded in his ear and he guilitly let go of Boris’ hand. Boris looked away.

“Yes Kit?” he tried not to sound condescending but it was difficult.

She smiled at the guests before leaning into him, “Hun what was that?” Theo was confused for a second before realizing she probably meant the language. 

“Oh, russian.” She looked at him as if he were stupid, “Ok but since when did you speak russian?” That was a loaded question since he was a young teen sortof? But when? Maybe when Boris first taught him how to say every curse word they could think of or when he finally was able to hold a decent conversation even about the meaningless things Boris always made him feel proud that he got it right. He smiled at the memory as Kitsey’s hand tightened like an expectant mother.

“A long time I taught him.” Boris answered for him, and it looked like it suddenly clicked for Kitsey. 

“Oh, this is the best friend.” He never truly told Kitsey about the two of them mentioning him in passing. He nodded like the words didn’t pull out even more guilt that was already practically pouring from his chest.

Boris chuckled next to him, suddenly Theo became extremely aware that Boris never moved his hand from under the table when he dropped it still sat loosely on his thigh. 

“Лучший друг Поттера? Это то, что сейчас говорят дети?” (Potter's best friend? Is this what the kids are saying now?) His hand tightened when I tried to ignore the comment and as sad as it made him sitting next to his future wife, his body responded feverishly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a bit longer...might change some things still deciding. This was not edited well so...forgive that please.


	5. Flashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And somehow it made it so much more hurtful for Theo, knowing that Boris would do anything, be anything for him, and he had just chosen to move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very much on the shorter side but I enjoyed it, it's very much a filler to get to the bigger points but hope you enjoy it.

Theo didn’t want to jinx anything, so far he has managed to keep his present and past life separated carefully avoiding any direct questions about Boris or his connection to him. After the awkward dinner, it was finally time for the ‘afterparty’ portion then he could finally go home hopefully with Boris in tow.

Boris was next to him against the wall, both watching Kitsey work her way around the room ensuring she was forcing everyone to have fun. 

“You shouldn’t do this to her Potter.” Theo looked at Boris surprised seeing him looking straight down into his half empty champagne glass. 

“Do what Boris?” he scoffed at him even though in the back of his mind he knew exactly what he meant.

“Pretending.” His phone vibrated in his pocket and he quickly cut the conversation to answer in yet another language Theo didn’t know.

Boris looked around suspiciously and angled his body to hide behind Theo, Theo tried to ignore how his deep voice whispering into the phone sent chills down his spine.

He observed the guests as he waited watching Kitsey throw her head back and laugh at some joke some old geezer told as he obviously stared at her chest, he almost felt angry until Boris rested his head on his back continuing his conversation. The warm feeling spreading in his stomach was something he hasn’t felt in so long it took a moment to even remember what he was ‘almost angry’ about. 

Boris sat up he too was worried about Kitsey but only her reaction,  
“Potter we must go now.” Theo looked at him as if he had lost his entire mind. 

“What the fuck Boris I can’t just leave this is MY engagement party?” Theo whispered ferociously at him, Boris looked apologetic but urgent.

“Potter it’s your bird we can go get it now, but it must be NOW!” Boris tried not to let his voice rise but it was hard they didn’t have much time at all.

Theo looked at him for a second before rushing as calmly looking as he could to Kitsey knowing he was probably about to get slapped he excused her before bringing her over to the doors where there were nearly no guests.

“What the hell are you doing? I was trying to talk to him about a job for you!” Theo chose to ignore the stab at his already existing job that he loved and took a deep breath.

“Kit I have to leave, right now.” His eyes wandered to Boris waiting impatiently in the hallway pacing, Kitsey looked at him appalled.

“Theo this is our-”  
“I know! But this is something I can’t explain to you but I need to go right now!” Walking away was the best situation before she got too upset and caused a scene.  
He ran to Boris and they tore through the doors to see his black SUV and the bodyguard already holding the doors open for them. 

He tried to pretend he didn’t see Kitsey watching them leave from the high window above them.

“Ok explain.” he turned to Boris who was tapping away on a computer that he pulled from god knows where.

.  
.  
.  
.  
He explained alright, now an hour later, Theo was loading onto a first class flight to Amsterdam dazed and confused and blindly following Boris’ footsteps until they finally sat down.

Theo was unprepared for this, this ‘deal’ that was going to go down as soon as they landed. His anxiety already spiked, peaked as the plane shook violently as it took off making him grip Boris’ hand hard, even as he was chatting to the bodyguards sitting next to us across the aisle he gripped Theo’s hand and intertwined their fingers.

As much as it pained him to admit, he calmed him down.

Boris squeezed his hand reaching over to make Theo rest his head on his shoulder, “Вздремнуть Поттер.” (Take a nap Potter.) 

Exhausted from the party and the rush to the plane all Theo could do was make a noise of agreement and settle into Boris’ soft wool coat before he drifted off.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
His memory must be protecting him, his mind was blank just flashes of guns and blood, his bird, pills, and snow. Boris saved him. 

Now lying face to face on Boris’ Amsterdam apartments bed he tried not to let his tears fall he tried not to sob at the thought of Boris nearly dying for him and the stupid bird. He tried to not reel at the years too late realization that the bird wasn’t a replacement for his mother, that she was always with him, even without the bird, what he was missing was Boris, and he nearly lost him again, this time forever. 

His shaking shoulders awoke Boris who just as he had as a boy pulled Theo to him silently and wrapped Theo around him, shushing him and humming ignoring the stinging in his shoulder from his wound, just to comfort him. 

And somehow it made it so much more hurtful for Theo, knowing that Boris would do anything, be anything for him, and he had just chosen to move on. 

As Boris held him, he realized so suddenly, like the gunshot that almost took Boris away from him,

Oh god, it's him, that I love, even if the world was burning around us, it would be him, that I would cling to, I love him, I love him, I love him. Fuck, I love him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guess what song I was listening to when I 'wrote' that last line?


	6. Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They knew returning back to New York would not be easy when everything hit the fan.

Fuck, I love him…

Which is why I could never tell him.

This dynamic we have it works for us, the prolonged hugs, the hand holding only between us, the cuddling, the kisses we never speak of again. It works.

Who says if I try to change that it won’t all crumble down?

I can’t take that chance.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
After a week of laying around Boris’ apartment letting him heal physically and me mentally, we decided it was time to go back.

“How bad do you think it’s going to be?” Theo asked as he stared down at the full suitcase all the new things Boris picked out since he came with nothing. His thoughts creating a elaborate dramatic scene where Kitsey throws the biggest fit humanly possible.

“Ehh Potter you know it’s better to just find out instead of overthinking it.” Boris said, throwing his coat onto the bed and started to struggle with his shoes due to his shoulder.

Theo walked over and sat on the floor in front of him to lace up his boots, 

“The wedding was supposed to be this week Boris.” Boris ran his hands through Theo’s short hair and sighed.

“It’s not like you missed it you can still get married Theo.” 

Theo cringed, he hated and loved when Boris said his name, only when serious, but it made the guilt of knowing he never wanted to marry Kitsey even worse. 

How could he think of marrying her when he was right in front of him? 

“How long do we have?” Theo decided changing the subject would be probably be better than announcing his undying love.

Boris picked up his phone to call someone, as he spoke he got up and turned around as Theo got up off the floor and helped put his coat on hiding his injury the best they could. Theo wished he could tuck his trauma away the same.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Arriving back into bright New York was shocking to the system after the dreary days of freezing Amsterdam.

Theo actually smiled as he saw the two same bodyguards waiting beside the open door of a different black vehicle this time, it was almost comforting in a weird way. 

He paused beside the door as Boris got in and prepared his goodbyes he had been practicing in his head the entire plane ride here what he was going to say but the speech was coming up short now.

“Potter what you doing?” Boris was looking at him incredulously

“Oh I assume this is where we woul-” Boris looked at one of the bodyguards and within seconds his bag was pulled away and he was in the back of the car getting strapped down by ridiculously large hands.

“You guys really need to learn how to use your words.” he huffed and the bigger bodyguard barked a laugh as he got into the driver's seat.

“Potter we are not leaving each other now. We go to your apartment and Я остаюсь ненадолго you know? Я хочу убедиться, что у нас все работает.” (I will stay awhile…..I want to make sure everything works out for us.)

He mumbled the last part. Theo knew his english got brash after speaking foreign languages for so long so he ignored the part he didn’t understand and just nodded along with him.

When they got to Theo’s apartment it was a mess, a timestamp of the speedrace to get ready for his engagement party that he up and left. 

With a sigh he got to work cleaning the mess of dirty clothes and empty liquor bottles and Boris took their suitcases to put up the clothes, Theo said nothing as he hung his clothes next to his. 

Boris ignored the swell of red that settled into his cheeks as he hung his things up.

It was quite a comical sight to see the larger bodyguard with Theo’s broom and dustpan sweeping the kitchen and the smaller one washing dishes with the pink washing gloves Kitsey left behind. 

Boris came from the room behind him and burst out laughing, Theo couldn’t resist after that.

“You know I feel bad I’ve never learned your names.” Theo said suddenly as they joined the other two in the kitchen, the two large men looked to Boris and he nodded before they spoke.

“Horst.” the larger one gruffed “Michail.” The smaller one smiled at Theo; he looked surprisingly nice when he wasn’t all huffy.

They all laughed as they continued cleaning up talking to each other about what was good around here to eat and Theo was telling them about a nice hole in the wall cafe around the corner that he loved to go to, when the banging on his door began. 

The loud and aggressive sound shook the domestic second of peace they had created. 

Horst pushed forward first Theo tried not to flinch as Horst pulled his gun from his side all of them were on edge because of the recent activities they were involved in. Boris moved in front of Theo as well as Michail creating a shield around him.

All of a sudden when Horst was halfway to the door it unlocked and burst open, Boris pointed his gun at the same time as Michail facing them to the door but no shots went off. 

Gripping the back of Boris’ shirt Theo carefully peered around his shoulder and saw Platt and Kitsey looking terrified at the entrance.

“Oh shit, Boris no Horst Я их знаю.” He tried to keep his voice calm even with his terrible russian accent but Horst lowered his gun and went back to sweeping Michail as well. Boris lowered his gun slower then the others Theo still clung to him he knew he must have hurt himself by moving too fast.

“Are you ok?” Theo asked without thinking and rubbed his back not nearing his wound, Boris nodded, wincing as he put his gun back into the holster on his side.

“Is HE ok? What the hell Theo?!” Kitsey screeched at him and he realized how terrifying that must have been. 

But one thought bothered him,

“Why the hell do you have a key to my apartment?” he didn’t mean  
for the words to come out so harshly but it bothered him for some reason.

“I asked your landlady because I was worried about you! Your location all of a sudden turned back on here so I was worried that you had hurt yourself!” he winced at the jab at his mental health but couldn’t back down now.

“Why the hell do you have a tracker on me? And if you didn’t come in here without warning maybe you wouldn’t have guns waving in your face!” this was wrong he was yelling for all the wrong reasons because he didn’t want to face the wrong he had done to her.

“I have your location on because of your little disappearing acts like this! Us coming to check on you because we were worried for your safety doesn’t cover the fact that your weirdo best friend and his creepy buddies almost SHOT your wife!” 

Anger flared in Theo, the one thing you never EVER do is insult the people that he loved Boris was the main one this applied to besides Hobie, he tried his best to calm himself as he stepped forward away from Boris. 

Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t-

“We, we, we, now do you mean we as in you and your brother or we as in you and Tom?” he said it, Theo had held in the rage from ever since he found out about the two of them not long before the engagement party. 

For some reason with Boris by his side again he realized how pathetic he had been, worrying about reputations and appearances, fuck them. Fuck all of it. 

“Why are you bringing him up right now Theo?” the shrill was out of her voice, now came the calm reserved ‘I’m an angel I do nothing wrong’ voice.

“You know why Kitsey, I was trying to do this for your mother honestly and I can deal with an unhappy faithful marriage, what I can’t deal with is spending the rest of my life with someone who chose the worst person in the world to cheat on me with.” 

“He didn’t do anything to you Theo it’s been years, get over it!” Theo laughed with no sign of humor in the scary sound, Boris reached for his arm but he shook him off.

“Nothing? If it wasn’t for his stupidity my mother would still be alive! I don’t blame him for the bomb Kitsey I blame him for not saying anything, for doing nothing, my entire world was turned upside down but he said NOTHING and after all this time where I know you’ve been fucking him you’re defending HIM in front of me? Are you serious?” It was like a weight was lifted off his chest all the resentment finally had some sort of release.

Kitsey stayed quiet, a rare occurrence, Theo took the moment to look at Platt who seemed as if he was having a hard time keeping up with the pace of the argument. 

“Platt please tell your mother that I’m so sorry that this didn’t work out, I know how much she wanted this but I can’t do it I’m sorry.” Platt nodded sternly and took it as his chance to escape, quickly walking out.

Kitsey was crying now, “Theo you can’t do this you know we could be happy I was just angry!” she tried to come towards Theo but Boris stepped forward whether to protect Kitsey from Theo or Theo from Kitsey he didn’t know.

“I think you need to leave.” Boris calmly said he grabbed Theo’s arm pulling him backwards behind him once again.

“You’re not protecting him, you know that right? You’re ruining him.” Kitsey’s voice lost all remorse. Boris knew a manipulator when he saw one. 

Boris scoffed and started towards her toe to toe until she began to back up realizing she wasn’t in her usual circle where she could mouth off with no consequences. 

“You did this not me, you changed him, molded him into what you thought he needed to be. I’m not ruining him I’m bringing him back, he was never your Theo, he’s my Potter.” 

With that, he slammed the door in her face.


	7. Content

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Was I the best sex you ever had Potter?”

The two of them sat silently, their second bottle of vodka of the night, two ice filled glasses and chinese takeout between them at the small coffee table. Boris was waiting and he wanted to see if Theo broke down.

“I’m fine.” Theo finally said to break the awkwardness, he was telling the truth, he went through the remorse of his broken relationship the day he found out about Tom Cable. Everything from here on out was just relief he got out of it. 

“Pot-” 

“Boris I’m fine I’m relieved really everybody knew we didn’t really love each other, her mother just wanted me to officially be her son, and I wanted it too but not like that. I couldn’t do that, especially now.” Theo rushed the sentence out like a child explaining himself before stuffing his face with noodles to avoid saying anymore.

Boris stopped midbite and swallowed his food quickly he paused for a second just looking at Theo like he was debating on his next words.

“Why just now Theo?” Theo smiled, he knew Boris wanted to be serious but he loved when Boris said his name ‘Tee-oh’ it was adorable.

“Because I,” he needed to choose his words carefully, “I felt like there was a v-void in me, I thought she could fill it but with certain things happening lately I realized a lot but mostly I realized that we just weren’t right.” 

Boris motioned for him to go on, Theo sighed he didn’t want to give too much away but this was Boris he knew everything.

Theo tried to hide the blush building on his cheeks; he quickly poured two shots in each glass before downing it entirely and taking a deep breath and waiting for the liquid courage to aid him.

“Kitsey never once satisfied me, maybe that’s what started my frustration with her, always plain, always vanilla, always boring!” 

Boris’ laugh didn’t surprise Theo as he poured himself yet another drink, it was starting to feel like old times again, not a worry in the world, just him and Boris together drinking and living right here in the moment.

“Potter!” Boris took another breath to laugh, “one second you talk about love how it never work! But then one drink and the real come out sex was just too boring for Potter huh?!” Theo rolled his eyes he knew Boris was going to bust his balls about that one but it was the truth.

He poured himself another drink he was already on his fourth double shot not including his half of the first bottle and he was starting to feel it all of a sudden.

Boris took the bottle from him and poured an entire glass for himself giggling loudly, “So Potter tell me how bad was it?” Boris sounded genuinely curious, Theo leaned back eyes closed and began to think but all that came to his mind were flashes of Vegas. 

“It definitely was no where near the best sex I’ve ever had.” Theo mumbled this quietly but suddenly the air was thick and Theo realized his mistake a second too late.

He looked up at Boris who was sitting in front of him looking at him through his lashes and curls, and a chill ran through him.

“Was it?” Boris asked taking another swallow of his vodka smirking at him,

“Huh?” Theo was confused “Was what?” his head tilted cutely and Boris’ heart leaped giving him confidence in this intimate moment.

“Was I the best sex you ever had Potter?” The question took all the air from Theo’s lungs and he coughed violently, the alcohol hitting him from all sides.

Boris laughed and sat back still looking still waiting for the answer. 

Theo however was stuck, this was the first time ever that anything of that sort was ever spoken of out loud between the two.

“What?” was all Theo managed to get out and suddenly Boris’ face turned and those familiar eyes came into view, the same look he used to give him before they locked the door in vegas.

“You know what I said Potter answer me.” his voice was commanding and Theo couldn’t stop his drunken mind from wandering.

“Yes.” his voice was small, his head lost in memories of hot nights, chlorine soaked hair. He felt almost cross eyed trying to differentiate young Boris in his mind to the older more mature Boris sitting in front of him. 

“Did you honestly think I didn’t remember fucking you Potter?” the way his harsh words cut the friendliness out of the air was suffocating.

“Boris do-” 

“What don’t? You can’t say you don’t remember Theo. I know that far off look in your eyes everytime we did anything the entire next day you would be thinking about it staring off into space. I know you think about it, I do too.” 

Boris’s voice was gentle but absolute he made up his mind then and there he wasn’t going to let Theo go again. 

Theo gulped and took another sip of his drink even though at this point he was well beyond drunk, even thinking for a second what if he was imagining all of this?

“I don’t know what you want me to say Boris yes, I remember it all of it well maybe not all most of it.” he shrugged like this groundbreaking confession wasn’t sending his mind in spirals.

“What do you remember?” Boris’s smirk was devilous he was going to milk this, see how much he could get out of that prim and proper mouth (even if his memories remember that mouth being skilled at other things).  
Theo licked his lips feeling his pants get uncomfortably tight, “I remember the first night, when you kissed me and I got excited too fast and made your nose bleed.” he didn’t mention what happened after but he was definitely imagining it, Boris laughed quietly. 

“You practically attacked me. I didn’t expect your skinny butt to jump on me so fast.” Boris closed his eyes and Theo took the moment to see how erotic he looked, eyes closed his legs spread open throat exposed biting his lip. 

“I remember a lot more than that.” Boris said quietly.

Theo wanted to be brave, he was never brave unless he was with Boris.

“Like what? Tell me.” there was a seductive tone in his voice he almost didn’t recognize in himself.

Head still back Boris peered down at him lifting his hand and patting his spread legs, “Come here.” 

Theo stood on wobbly legs practically crawling around the coffee table until he reached him, Boris grabbed his shirt pulling him towards him.

Theo’s face flushed as he straddled Boris his body felt electric, and for once in his entirety of living in New York he felt alive. 

“We aren’t supposed to talk about it.” Theo breathed the words into Boris’ neck and he stopped himself from grinding down against him his hips settling down gently.

Boris hummed as his hands moved up Theo’s back making him hiss at the feeling of his cold fingers, he gripped at his hips and pressed a kiss to his shoulder blade. 

“You never wanted to talk about it, I tried.” flashes of fights they had as teens rolled in Boris’ mind where Theo ignored him for days leaving him lonely and depressed, he never tried again after that.   
“I’m sorry,” Theo lifted his head to look at Boris. He knew he was in the wrong there but he was afraid at the time, still now but he wanted to push past it if that meant Boris would be in his life again.

Boris laughed and smiled at him, “All in the past Potter.” Theo nodded brushing his head gently over his hurt shoulder dropping his strong boss act from earlier he hissed in pain and Theo quickly pulled back. 

Boris wanting to get his mind off the pain pressed down on Theo’s hips pressing his ass into him, Theo gasped taken by surprise by the feeling of his manhood against him. He definitely wasn’t the same as when they were teens. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you!” Theo sputtered out, he was scared he didn’t want to ruin the moment but he couldn’t ignore his pain. 

Looking at him through his lashes Boris took his good arm and grabbed the back of Theo’s neck and brought their lips together Theo gasped allowing Boris to slip his talented tongue between his lips, the taste of vodka overflowed his senses again and he moaned deep louder then he meant to. 

Boris smiled into the kiss wanting to push Theo to hear the sweet sound again he gripped at his hips again this time rolling his up to meet his, Theo moaned again biting at Boris’s bottom lip making him groan deep in his throat. 

Theo suddenly felt ecstatic to know he made that happen moving his lips down to Boris’ neck biting and sucking a path to the sweet spot under his ear he still remembered and Boris bucked against moaning breathily in his ear the sound made Theo even harder he reached down between their bucking hips gripping at Boris making his breath catch he mumbled “Fuck.” under his breath and moved to catch Theo’s lips again stopping halfway when his bullet wound stung fiercely pulling away again and gripping at his arm..

Theo immediately pulled away breathing hard, he pulled down Boris’s shirt gently seeing his wound ooze through the bandage haphazardly placed on it and nearly hit Boris before remembering he was in pain. It looked like he hadn’t replaced the bandage since before they left amsterdam. 

Theo sighed and got off him gently ignoring the tightness of his pants and gently helped Boris get off the floor. 

“Nooo I’m fine come back here!” Boris whined like a little kid as Theo walked away after making him sit on the couch to look for his first aid kit. 

“No you’re not that’s going to get infected if you don’t take care of it!” Theo yelled from inside the bathroom mentally thanking Mrs. Barbour for insisting he would need all of this one day when he first moved in. 

The tension of the moment was gone as Theo cleaned his wound gently and dressed it properly again.

Silently Theo helped Boris into bed after undressing to their boxers he let Boris lay on his non injured side facing him.

“Promise that you’ll go to a doctor?” 

Boris rolled his eyes and pressed his head into the pillow firmly, “It’ll be fine Potter give time it will heal.” 

Theo didn’t want to press him anymore so he turned and cut off the lamp. The ambient sounds of the city was the only noise besides the shuffling of the blanket. 

Almost asleep Theo felt Boris’ arm gently lay across his torso and tug slightly he knew he couldn’t pull him with his injury so he slowly scooted back until his back pressed into the others chest. 

Boris sighed and pressed his face into the back of Theos neck like he always used to back then, and for a moment the two were back in Vegas, in a sweltering hot room, pressed together, listening to the sand hit the windows, and they were content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me if you enjoyed please :)


End file.
